Motherhood

When I was 12 if you would have asked me what I wanted to  be when I grow up I probably would have said a Mom.  Fast forward 10 years to when I was 22 and a recent college graduate, if you asked me what I wanted to be, the answer wouldn't have been a Mom.  I started working at Free Wheelchair Mission when I was 22 years old.  I had my whole career ahead of me and being a mom wasn't on my radar at all. Adam and I were married when we were both 25, but  if you would have asked me when I was 27, I would have told you I want to be the Program Director for an International Non-Profit, as that is the path that I was on at Free Wheelchair Mission.  Being a Mom had pretty much vanished from my thoughts then. I was traveling and learning so much I had doubts some days that I even wanted children at all.  I was a good Auntie and my siblings were having lots of kids, so I could live through them and focus on my career and the great things that were happening  at Free Wheelchair Mission. 

Then I turned 30.  My biological clock started ticking and I realized perhaps I did want to be a mom after all. 

After struggling with some pretty severe depression from my late teens and early twenties I thought I had found the key to happiness.  I had a great  job for a wonderful organization.  I had been sealed for time and all eternity to my best friend in the Newport Beach temple, we lived in a great little condo a mile from the beach, and I didn't need pills to make me happy.  I thought I knew what it meant to be truly happy. 

Enter Troy.  I've never been happier.  At this point in my life happiness is Motherhood and having my very own eternal family.  Truly, it's never been so easy for me to be happy.  Happiness had always been something I had to kind of force and work at, but now I wake up every morning to my sweet little miracle and just feel such joy.  Even if it's early and I didn't get much sleep, I wake up happy.  Happy to hold and snuggle this perfect little person that Heavenly Father has blessed us with.  Happy to change a poopy diaper because he loves his changing table.  Happy to be able bond with my boy as he nurses and sleeps in my arms.  Happy to sit and stare at him all day long, even if it means I don't get the dishes done.  Happy to take him out in the jogging stroller, even though it slows my running pace by about a minute.  Happy to strap him to my chest to run all my errands.  I don't even let my new muffin top freak me out the way extra pounds used to derail my happiness.  These pounds make me a proud mom.  I carried a nearly nine and half pound baby, it's ok if I have some baby weight left over!  Happy that he smiles more and more every day. Happy that he snores just like his dad.  Happy to read all kinds of books on how to be the best mom I can be. Happy to watch Adam embrace Fatherhood the way he has.  Happy, happy, happy!  Happiness is Motherhood.  Happiness is my Family.

I don't have many pictures with Troy and me together, but I managed to take this photo myself with my iPhone on Halloween when he was five weeks old and just love it.  He's just the sweetest and I am the happiest because I know he's sealed to Adam and me forever and having my own family has been the best thing that has ever happened to me.  Five years ago no one could have convinced me that motherhood could be the easiest path to happiness, funny how things change.   Having a child has strengthened my testimony that Heavenly Father really does know me and love me personally.  He knew I needed to be a Mom, and he made me wait for it to make sure I would appreciate and embrace it for all its worth. 

Another picture I managed to take myself - oh how I love this boy!

When I cook dinner I usually have to strap him to my chest to get everything ready - it's hard to make dinner when I just want to stare at his sweet face all the time!